Beyond Bravery

Muscle, war, facing a bully. Perhaps these are the images that come to mind when you think about strength. How paradoxical might it be then to suggest that the strongest thing, or the bravest thing, one could do for oneself might be to love the thing most hated? If asked to take a really long look inside, could you answer this question honestly? Do you hate any part of yourself? What does this hatred do to you? As Abraham Lincoln once stated, “A house divided against itself can not stand.” Obviously, this quote is about the battle between the North and South regarding slavery. The line fits here too. Who wins when we hate ourselves? No one. Deep within ourselves, there might be a place that we fear entering due to the pain. Perhaps we fear the emotions that might result from entering that place. Carl Rogers once famously said, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” Might we be able to begin moving toward this paradox by at least expanding our awareness that there might be a part of us that we despise? If we have that awareness of that part of ourselves, might we be able to acknowledge through voice or written language that which has gone unmentioned? Speaking the name of the one so unloved is an important step in shifting our mindsets. Granting that name to be spoken is a sign of respect. That part of self moves from this state of “other” to a place of “human.” Imagine for a moment if we took these steps and applied them to your worst enemy. Could you be aware of the possibility that you might have an enemy? Could you acknowledge that there is one person in particular who comes to mind? What is their name? Speaking their name moves them from villain to person; a person who has a story. Now, what would happen if you and your enemy were to sit down for, say, one minute? Might you be able to tolerate their presence? You don’t need to enjoy it. In that tolerance, might it be possible to look at them or to let them speak? What commonalities do you share? Could curiosity arise within you as you listen to their story? Little by little, if we invite ourselves, the desired and the undesirable parts of self, to the table each day with this same approach, then we will begin to discover that this part of self, much like your enemy, is in search of love and connection. We may never get to a place of absolute pleasure being in the company of this part or person. Regardless, we might discover then that, as Nouwen states, “The main question is not, how can we hide our wounds…but how can we put our woundedness in service to others.” This is the single bravest action a person can take, to love ourselves as God loves us. Only here can we truly come to know ourselves. It is in entering our brokenness that we meet God. Father Mike Schmitz recently said, “You are good. You matter. God knows your name, and he’s entered into the brokenness so that you don’t have to be there alone.” It is in meeting God within our shattered selves that we begin to meet God in the fragility of others. This is where community begins.