Why Did God Give Me This Cross?
One of the remarkable aspects about the field of psychology has been a denial by certain therapists to delve into the spiritual aspects of their clients’ lives. Yet, it is impossible to deny that faith and spirituality serve as an important tool for the client. While some might use faith as a way of achieving spiritual bypass, it remains true that faith should be a tool that is worth tapping into.
Imagine for a moment that you have been handed the worst cards in life. Everything is falling apart. The control you once thought you had has all but vanished. Life feels hopeless and you feel alone because of it. You have lost your job, and with it your close relationships with your peers. Your marriage and family life is rocky because of a recent discovery surrounding your infidelity. On top of it all, you may end up serving jail time because of viewing child pornography. Life sucks.
Having grown up in a Christian home, you have maintained a distant relationship with God, though with all the recent happenings you have committed to giving your life to Jesus. Underneath all of this, you hold some resentment that God has given you the worst gift in the world. How can your life in self-destruct mode possibly be good? To some, this might be the start of a crisis of faith; for others, it could be the straw that broke the camel’s back, ultimately ending any religious practices.
The relationship with God and the feelings and frustrations that you hold on to can be used as tools in the therapeutic process. Some might balk at the idea of telling God how you feel because “He’ll punish me more.” This sentiment is understandable if you see God as a bad gift giver. Why would you ask Him for another gift if you don’t like the ones He’s been giving. When we hold onto this mentality that “I can’t share these thoughts and feelings,” we in turn stuff them down and deny them the opportunity to be dealt with. Much like the Emotional Dashboard, denying a problem only delays the inevitable disaster instead of helping it to be a manageable problem.
Another attitude that might appear could be one where “God could never love me because I’m a mess and I don’t have my stuff together.” This mentality thrives on a dangerous idea in some Christian circles where we have been repeatedly told that we have to be perfect in order to be loved. This view breeds shame, worthlessness, and self identity issues. When it comes down it it, this can serve as a weapon for spiritual manipulation. I have regularly asked my clients with this worldview what it means to be a Christian, to which they reply “To be a follower of Jesus.” I point out that nowhere in that answer does it say that one has to be perfect. Instead, one simply needs to be making our best effort, giving what little we have, to follow Him.
Finally after working through the reasons why we can’t have this conversation with God, we finally begin. We have held these feelings in our hearts for so long. We are raw and in pain! Maybe life has us naked, exposed, and vulnerable and that scares us. This is the moment to tell God. Now is the time to let Him know how it feels to you. It might be easy to calmly state this, but I think it is ever so important to say these things to God with passion, to allow the pain to finally come out, much like Jesus crying out to God on the cross saying, “Why have you forsaken me!” Pouring out your heart is never going to be too much for God. You are not too much for God. What this process reveals is that instead of denying the reality of the pain and turning away from God, you are desiring to let Him know what you are dealing with and in turn He can be with you in the pain. God has compassion in these moments. The word compassion means “to suffer with.”
“Pouring out your heart is never going to be too much for God. You are not too much for God.”
While it might be unclear in the moments of sharing, it is important to call out a simple, but profound truth. Nouwen notes that when Christ was resurrected, he bore the wounds of his crucifixion, that is to say through his wounds, we receive our redemption. So too for us. We will be redeemed through our wounds and pains. St. Paul says “When I am weak, then I am strong.” We don’t need to be strong, muscular, all put together, or perfect to be lovable and accepted. While the world may have given you that message, it is not true with God. Maybe this sucky gift you got from God is actually the way he wishes you to draw close to him. Denying those feelings only adds to the distance between you and Him. Allow yourself, give yourself the permission to share what is on your mind and heart. Only then you can begin the journey to healing!